


The Clown With the Tear-Away Face

by NancyBrown



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Gen, Good Place Reboot, Halloween Costumes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-07-15 00:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16051721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NancyBrown/pseuds/NancyBrown
Summary: Welcome to the Good Place, where every day is Halloween!





	The Clown With the Tear-Away Face

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SuburbanSun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuburbanSun/gifts).



Eleanor opened her eyes.

"Welcome! Everything is fine."

She took a breath, somewhat relieved and somewhat confused. A door opened, and a white-haired man poked his head out. He wore a suit, and thrown over that was a ridiculous black cape with red velvet lining. "Eleanor? Come on in."

Twenty minutes later, Eleanor found herself walking down a street that seemed pulled out of some hipster Halloween catalogue. They passed stores and shops, where Eleanor saw spooky-themed foodstuffs on offer, from Headless Cabbage to an Eye Scream shop. People wandered by in costumes. Some looked like they came off the bargain rack at the Goodwill, others - like that giant fiery dude - looked professional.

"There are thousands of Neighborhoods, each one a unique, flawless system, created expressly for 334 perfectly-matched human souls, blended together in a blissful harmonic balance."

"Wow," Eleanor said, taking this in. "Are all of them Halloween-themed?"

Michael paused. "Well, no. Each neighborhood is uniquely designed with the residents in mind. Some neighborhoods are Christmas-themed. A surprisingly large number are Vlorknak-themed." He saw the confusion on her face. "Sorry, it's a holiday that died out four thousand years ago. But people love Vlorknak. Every day, there's Vlorknak Pie, and the big Koodah chase before the sing-along with traditional Vlorknak carols." He started to sing, off-key, while waving his arm: "Halloo, Vlorknak, don't be late!"

Eleanor stared at him. Michael stopped singing and cleared his throat. "Very popular. But you, Eleanor Shellstrop, were part of why this neighborhood, your neighborhood, celebrates Halloween every day!" As he spoke, thunder rattled in the distance.

Eleanor startled. "Does it rain in the Good Place? I always pictured it as, you know, puffy clouds and sunny days."

"Oh no. Clouds, yes. Rain, never. The Good Place is a perfect experience."

Eleanor recalled past Halloweens: the ones where she had to make her own costumes when she was a kid, and the ones where her mom threw up in the candy sack, and the ones when she was an adult and went door to door in lingerie and tights with cat ears as a costume, grabbing handfuls of candy whenever strangers opened their doors.

"It sounds perfect!"

She kept up her smile during Michael's presentation, looking around herself to notice most people already had costumes. She stuck out in her normal clothes. She wanted to sink deeper into them as she got glances. She'd eaten two scoops of Eye Scream before the meeting. The blood-red strawberry sauce and gooey icing traced over the tops of the mounded dairy eyes had weirded her out at the time, and now they curdled in her stomach.

"Michael?" she asked him afterwards as they headed towards her new home. "Shouldn't we stop so I can get a costume?"

"No, everyone's costume is chosen for them. It's meant to be the ideal balance of who you are, and your deepest desire of who you could be." He opened the door to the small cottage, ignoring the huge mansion next door. "This house was built by you and because of you. It's compact, decorated in the Scandinavian minimalist style you prefer."

Eleanor noted the rather empty, small house. Pictures of clowns dotted the walls. On a hanger and awaiting her, she saw her costume: red wig, giant shoes, multicolored and baggy jumpsuit, and of course, dangling on a string like Bozo's left nut, a big, red nose.

She turned her horror into a laugh. "Wow! Is all this for me?"

"It's everything you deserve, here in the Good Place. All that work you did during your life as a human rights advocate, fighting against human trafficking in Thailand, working with orphans in Uruguay. You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are very special, and now you can spend the rest of eternity the way you always wanted to: dressed as a clown."

"This really is paradise!" she said, instead of screaming.

Her soulmate dropped by. Chidi was cute, in a nerd kind of way, but Eleanor kept getting distracted from sizing him up. "Those are some boots." she said, when he saw her staring.

"Yes," he said.

"And they match your hat!" She poked the brim of his cowboy hat. "Guess when you were a little nerd, you played Cowboys and Indians a lot, huh?"

He stared at her. "No. Absolutely not."

"Okay." Whatever, dude. She turned and inspected her clown costume. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She was in the Good Place, right? Even if Michael had gotten some details of her life a little wrong, like everything other than her name, Bozo was better than winding up in the Bad Place. "Can you help me put this on?"

"Of course." Asked to offer help, Chidi was instantly more relaxed and accommodating. Eleanor could work with that. She needed someone in her corner right now. Her soulmate was the perfect choice, even with the stupid hat and boots.

Two hours later, and Chidi beside her with a stomachache, Eleanor walked into the sumptuous mansion next door. "I really think we should tell Michael," Chidi said as Eleanor shoved a glass of booze into his hand.

"You promised," she reminded him. The clown nose made her voice nasally and weird, like she had a cold.

The hostess – Tahiti was it? -- entered the room with a grace and poise Eleanor had never shared even before the giant clown feet. She wore a pink princess gown which shimmered blue in the right light.

"Welcome, one and all," oozed Princess Tahiti. Tahini? Eleanor took a slug of wine, bumping her rubber nose on the glass. "We have arrived at our eternal masquerade ball! Enjoy the hors d’oeuvres."

There was a polite patter of applause. Eleanor got a bead on the tray of shrimp going by. With these baggy pants, she could carry a couple of pounds of those babies home. She sidled closer to the food as Tahani went on with her speech. "Now, I'm sure this has been an adjustment for everyone. Not only have we met our soulmates, but we have also discovered our own true costume, bringing out our inner selves, and this might cause a teensy bit of doubt. I, for example, discovered that my true masquerade costume is the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty." She smiled, and even with the two shrimp in Eleanor's mouth getting most of her attention, she could tell the smile was kind of brittle. "The second-best Disney Princess whose name no one remembers. Some people might be upset by that." She brightened up, tugging on the man beside her. "But I think we should all take a lesson from my soulmate Jianyu." She leaned forward. "He's a Buddhist monk and has taken a vow of silence. His perfect costume is a lobster, and as you can see, he's at perfect peace walking through eternity as a crustacean." The brittleness was back.

Eleanor bumped Chidi's arm. "Does she seem a little 'edging towards serial killer' to you?"

"What?"

"What. Perfect Tahani seems a little upset by having to kiss a shrimp." She emphasized this by taking a huge bite of another shrimp. If she was heading to the Bad Place once whatever mix-up stopped being mixed-up, she was going to enjoy her brief stay here. She grabbed another glass of wine as the tray passed by.

"Jianyu is a lobster, and stop stuffing those shrimp into your costume," Chidi said in a hoarse whisper.

"Just getting a snack to go," Eleanor said, jiggling the ruffled neck to get a stuck prawn to drop down with his clammy buddies. Hah, clammy! She giggled.

The lobster had a stupid, peaceful smile on his face. Lucky lobster.

The lobster frowned, his eyes growing larger. He tugged on Tahani's arm and pointed at someone's costume. Tahani said, "Yes, Jianyu? Excuse me, Glenn, would you please tell us about your costume?"

Glenn smiled nervously. "I never would have thought it, but my inner best costume is of a football player. Jake Bortles? I've never heard of him."

Jianyu the lobster screamed, "BORTLES! You are Blake Bortles, the greatest football player of all time!" He smiled widely, then looked around, realizing he'd spoken, and frowned again. He ripped back his lobster head. "I want to be Bortles in Heaven. Being a lobster sucks!" He threw the head to the ground.

Michael stepped forward as the crowd began to mutter. "All right, everyone, calm down. I'm sure Jianyu didn't mean that."

"Yes, I did. And my name isn't Jianyu. My name is Jason Mendoza, and I'm not from Taiwan, I'm from Jacksonville. Jacksonville Jaguars rule!" He held up his arms and began dancing around the room as Tahani watched, horrified.

Eleanor took the distraction as an opportunity to tip a whole plate of shrimp into her costume. She was feeling pretty squishy around the middle, but this clown suit sure could hold a lot of food. She nudged Chidi again. "Turns out I'm not the only hot mess here, huh."

Chidi shook his head, holding his stomach. "There is no way this is the Good Place." He blinked. "That's it. This isn't the Good Place. We're in the Bad Place!"

Michael groaned. "Really? Not even a full day this time? There is no pleasing some people."

"Wait," said a woman rushing over to him. "Michael, please don't reset it. I never got to show off my costume change."

"Vicky, that wasn't scheduled for another three months and you know it. These dummies couldn't get through day one. I didn't even get to have the thunderstorm tonight!" He shook his fist impotently at the sky, which thundered on cue.

Vicky said, "Fine, but can the next reboot have costume parties? I really want to show off these sequins."

"No more costumes."

Eleanor pulled a jumbo shrimp from her suit and bit it as Michael snapped his fingers.


End file.
